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How to tell the folks you’re vegetarian
by Lauren
My mom knows I have transitioned from a dairy-free but meat-heavy diet to a vegan diet over the last six weeks and she’s not happy about it.
She’s concerned that it’s not healthy for me, that I won’t get enough nutrients, and even that my eating habits will be an imposition on others. She’s also concerned my dad will find out what I’m up to and so she guards my vegetarianism like a dirty secret (which reminds me of getting suspended in high school only for my mom to instruct me to put on my uniform, eat breakfast and pretend to go to school until Dad left for work). Only this time I’m not sure if I need her to aid and abet since last time I checked vegetarianism wasn’t as big of a crime as smoking cigarettes on campus or fixing screwdrivers for eighth graders. So …
Can’t she see I’m a Chinese eggplant?
“Mom,” I tried to explain when she wanted to know why I hadn’t given up the charade, “I just feel better.” I should’ve known that wasn’t a substantial argument for her. “Really?? Feel better how?” she wanted to know. Um. Well. I just do. I do, right? Shit. Do I really feel different? Can I justify my new diet based solely on how it is affecting me? Forget animal cruelty for a minute. Forget ethics. Am I a different person? Is 6 weeks even long enough to know?
I wanted to be able to tell my mom I’d lost 10 pounds, stopped having nightmares and felt well rested. I wanted to say my skin was glowing, my hair and nails healthier and stronger than ever. Less bloated. Better concentration. Five years younger. 100% happier.
Ok, so maybe I’m expecting too much of my vegan diet. It’s no magic pill but if I am what I eat than why do I even need to explain to her what all my suspected improvements are? Can’t she see I’m a Chinese eggplant? I’m rainbow chard? I’m brown rice, quinoa, and chic peas?
I guess the point is, I’m not sure if I feel a difference. I’m not even sure what differences I should be feeling. I wonder if I’m wanting too much too soon. I wouldn’t expect 6 weeks of psychotherapy to cure depression or 6 weeks of exercise to give me buns of steel.
What differences did you notice once you stopped eating meat and how long did it take?
Did you lose weight? Gain it? Sleep better? Feel better? Help me know what to look for so next time my mom asks I don’t stutter my way into vegetarian shame. Let’s convert her together! It’s worth having her on your side. You never know when you’ll need an accomplice to get you outta trouble.
Got tips for Lauren? Give ‘em up. And enjoy two past posts that deal with just this issue:
- How to deal with annoyingly persistent questions about vegetarianism from the relatives
- The almost vegetarian and the in-law’s
Comments
14 Responses to “How to tell the folks you’re vegetarian”
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January 18th, 2010 @ 6:34 am
Your writing style is so great and so humorous! I love the title too. Made me laugh. Kudos to you!
January 18th, 2010 @ 6:53 am
While I am not a vegetarian, I did switch to using all natural, local and organic products and got a few raised eyebrows from my family when I did so. It’s more expensive! It makes you seem snobby! Those were just some of the comments. My advice… just stick to it. The people around you get used to the idea. Also, as they realize the vast variety of food that you DO eat, it might seem less outrageous. Tell them you are conducting a personal experiment and the results are pending! Good Luck!
January 18th, 2010 @ 8:15 am
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January 18th, 2010 @ 9:14 am
I have been vegetarian-ish for a while now and have had a hard time with getting people to understand it is not all or nothing. Meat as a condiment has gotten the best understanding. I try not to be extreme in any case, but at home I am a leaf of kale
January 18th, 2010 @ 9:46 am
I went vegetarian last year and was pretty successful for 6 months. I’m a muslim who lives in Pakistan, which is a meat loving country, so it was a hard sell! My parents, friends, family all thought I’d lost it, but eventually supported it.
I didn’t lose any weight, but did feel more energetic. However, there were no major changes in my skin, appearance, wellbeing so I don’t know if that’s from long term vegetarian lifestyles or what. I stopped simply because I missed meat, and now I just ignore that nagging feeling at the back of my head when I eat meat.
January 18th, 2010 @ 1:31 pm
I told my parents when they came to my house for a weekend and wondered why everything I cooked was meatless. I told everyone else I know in my Christmas letter.
It wasn’t a big deal, and I didn’t even use the word vegetarian. I just said I decided to stop eating meat. If someone asks me why, I will tell them. I tell them that I think biologically it’s fine for people to choose to eat meat. I think our bodies can handle it and digest meat. However, I chose to stop eating meat after I did some reading and found out how meat is processed. I’m not comfortable with putting something in my body that goes through a process like that to say nothing of the cruelty to the animals.
I didn’t notice much of a difference either, and I took that to mean that I wasn’t lacking anything. If I was eating meat (what is the ultimate food decision for some people) and I eliminated it but replaced it with other protein sources (whole grains, some dairy, tofu, beans, etc.) and I feel no difference, doesn’t that mean that my body has adjusted? Doesn’t that mean I’m not lacking anything? That’s the way I see it and explain it when people ask me. For me, the best change has come in doing something that is important to me. It is liberating and empowering to make a decision which I feel is important and meaningful. Even if it’s not popular, eating vegetarian feels good to me because I am not comfortable with the CAFOs and other meat producing and processing procedures. To stop eating something I didn’t want in the first place makes me trust my gut and my decisions. It helps me to know next time I have an unpopular decision to make that I do make good decisions. I can trust my instincts, and it is worth it.
January 18th, 2010 @ 2:30 pm
I was never a huge meat eater before I “officially” went vegetarian. I told my parents and husband that I was taking the 30 Day Veg Pledge. Then after I decided to stick to it. I still get eye-rolls. People ask “why?” in a scandalous voice as if it’s a dirty little secret.
I used to get stomach aches all the time. Since I completely cut out meat and started eating more organic, I rarely have stomach problems.
I’ve been trying to talk myself into going vegan for a few weeks, but I’m too lazy.
Good luck w/ your mom.
January 18th, 2010 @ 4:48 pm
This story was very well written, it made me smile and making me think in becoming part vegetarian, perhaps eating animals just on weekends, let’s see how that goes.
Cheers!
January 20th, 2010 @ 10:31 pm
I just found your blog and I love it! What great writing, and such relatable issues. I created my blog (www.bunny-bites.blogspot.com) to shed a little light on eating a vegetable-based diet, but not giving up any of the “fun,” that is so much a part of food. Though I was raised without many animal products (no milk or eggs, and very little animal meat) since I’m older, many of my friends and extended family aren’t sure what to do with me. But, after reading my blog, seeing what I eat and cook, they realize there is no sacrifice. I love food and chefs and wine and festivals…I’m not really an animal lover, so if I wanted a steak I’d eventually eat it. I’ve given up nothing. So…keep up your great writing and I’ll keep reading and grinning. Just delightful!
January 22nd, 2010 @ 5:48 pm
I love this post. I was raised in the meat-centric Midwest and when I go back there and mention my vegetarian diet, I do feel like people take it personally in some cases. [How dare you not want to eat my roast beef!!!] When asked about it, I say that it is the best fit for MY lifestyle and leave it at that…
I can’t even tell you how many times I have been asked the question “well, you still eat chicken, right?”, after I tell them I a veggie. I don’t understand this, anyone else share this experience?
February 1st, 2010 @ 2:40 pm
great post! i will definitely come back to your site
i became a vegetarian 12.5 years ago (it was my freshman year in college). i have to say, back then, veggie alternatives weren’t plentiful and a lot of my food decisions weren’t entirely healthy. it took years for me to figure out a vegetarian diet that worked–one that left me feeling great and one that would keep the pesky freshman 15 away (i soon discovered that peanut butter and lots of nutella was–sadly–not the answer).
my parents STILL don’t get it. it’s like that scene out of “my big fat greek wedding” (even though my mother is german). i tell her i don’t eat meat, and she offers to make lamb. the f*ck?!? LOL!! but at least we’ve come to a point of tolerance and acceptance. when i visit my parents now, i’ll make flax seed muffins or stir-fry tofu and slowly (we’re talking REALLY slowly), they have warmed up to the idea that their daughter is a vegetarian.
good luck to you–i’m sure your parents will come around soon!
February 18th, 2010 @ 7:52 pm
Just don’t take it personally.
When people make uninformed or rude comments, take a breath and politely explain your reasons.
Personally I’ve unintentionally started a lot of arguments with the people around me by trying to explain my decisions, sometimes it’s unavoidable! (e.g. my best friend’s family are beef farmers)
My father looks down on me as if I’m eating mcdonalds when I ask for my meal minus the meat/dairy and is visibly embarrassed that his offspring could be so ’stupid’ as to get ‘conned’ into the vegetarian ‘cult’.
As for differences- my skin, hair and nails are looking so much better! I’m happier, less stressed/guilty, have much less digestive issues and more energy! I feel at peace with my diet, I feel lighter (both emotionally and physically) and overall sunnier!
February 23rd, 2010 @ 7:30 pm
Some family members think I am from another planet.
I try not to mention my veganism. I just remember to bring vegan friendly foods to share. This way I get to eat with out any one saying “You don’t have much on your plate? Are you not feeling well?”
Every thing is lathered in butter, milk sauces or meat gravy. They just don’t get the “nothing that comes from an animal not just the meat”
For the most they don’t say anything now that we are around each other more. They accept it and don’t bug me too much anymore.
March 8th, 2010 @ 8:58 am
While the lack of change in your body may signify that you are not missing nutritional balance, what people are really looking for when they give/hear claims of physical improvement is backing for the superiority of a vegan life choice. For many it’s not enough to be “as good as”. They want, secretly or not-so-much, to be “better than”. In truth, ANY life choice that meshes well with you both internally and externally will produce the positive physical results reported, because reducing inner conflict reduces stress. Reducing stress reduces digestive/sleep/skin/health problems. That does NOT mean that a vegan choice is greater than OR less than. It means that inner balance wins everything.